Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
