its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
