Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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