It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
