We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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