I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
