I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
