google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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