All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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