Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
