I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize