the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
