I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
