I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
