I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
