break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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