That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
