Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
