I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
