I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
