He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
