why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
