sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
