Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
