Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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