he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize