Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
