I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
