She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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