Whatcha textin bout Willis?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize