i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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