I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
