youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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