Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
