i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
