I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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