Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize