dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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