I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
