Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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