remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize