Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize