No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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