Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
