I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
