Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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