Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
