I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
