Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
