ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
