Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
