Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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