Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
