Three words: puerto rican gang bang
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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