I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
