We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
