I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
