I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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