hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
