im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
