weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
