this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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