oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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