I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
