So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
