woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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