If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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