lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize