Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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