some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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