Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
