so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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