my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So many bounce houses so little time
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Found your dick twin last night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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