shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
