I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Let's get the cat blown out
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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