I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
